The Perfect Prison
Life is strange sometimes, isn’t it? You are going about your way and then suddenly, everything gets turned upside down.
I recently got swept up in a whirlwind affair with my Limerent Object (LO) that lasted for approximately two months, until I was dumped. The highs and lows I went through were like nothing I had ever experienced before. Coupled with the guilt of betrayal and lies, words can’t even begin to describe the diffuse emotions I felt, and continue feeling to this day.
Let’s start at the beginning.
I remember walking back home after the first lunch date, thinking “What kind of sorcery is this?”
This cheerful and quirky woman became my obsession almost instantly – occupying my thoughts for every waking second. She haunted me in my dreams. There is no building I wouldn’t jump over, no ocean I wouldn’t swim across, if that gave me even the slightest chance at being with her.
And woe betide anyone or anything that got in my way!
A few dates later, we locked lips for the first time and explored each other’s bodies. I thought my heart was going to explode. I felt invincible, invulnerable and bullet-proof – like I could run into incoming traffic and walk away unscathed.
Was this love? It surely felt like it at the time.
When we were apart, I yearned to connect with her – talk to her.
She wasn’t much of a texter – when she responded to my messages quickly, I felt ecstatic. When she didn’t, with each passing hour I felt abandoned, alone and helpless. I wanted her to feel as strongly for me as I did for her and with the same intensity.
Nevertheless, our romance continued – clandestine nights out and sleepovers at her place. We had the same birthday, same taste in food and even liked the same movies – it was fate.
We became fluid-bonded – all physical barriers to intimacy eliminated.
We also yearned for travel and decided to go on a weekend trip.
However, travel can be a dangerous thing and in the words of George from Seinfeld, “Told you those trips are relationship killers”. Sure enough, she ended it days after we returned from the trip – lack of passion and not caring were her reasons.
I was crushed.
How could she toss me aside so easily?
Did I mean absolutely nothing to her?
Or was it all in my head?
Reality hit me like a slap in the face. Not only had I lost my LO, but more importantly, I had betrayed the trust of my spouse, at no fault of her own.
This is where I am today – a cheater, who ultimately got what he deserved.
It has been more than two months of no-contact (NC) with the LO and I intend to keep it this way. It is a daily struggle to divert my thoughts away from her – some days are good, others are worse. It’s two steps forward, one step back.
Limerence is the perfect prison – stronger than the strongest steel or stone. It is where I have been sentenced to for now. I will gladly endure any form of punishment, in exchange for a way out.